Helpful Hints: Community Wisdom – Asking for help

Helpful Hints is a recurring feature aimed at sharing our community’s knowledge and experiences. Asking family and friends for help when you’re struggling can be stressful and oftentimes difficult. In this installment, we posed the following question to our online community: “Do you feel comfortable asking your circle of family and friends for help when needed?” Unfortunately, about two-thirds of our constituents polled felt that asking for help is not easy to do and they do not have someone to reach out to. Asking for help is one of the most courageous things that you can do for yourself. We share a sample of responses below with our thanks.

We will be hosting a Twitter chat discussing how to navigate relationships and communication challenges while living with a chronic illness like spondyloarthritis. Join us on Twitter on February 25^th, 2020 at 4:00pm PST to join the discussion. Follow SAA at @spondylitis, and join our chat by following #spondychat.

Have your own contributions to share? Email them to us at programs@spondylitis.org!

Yes, for direct household family, because they’ve seen me at my worst. No, for extended family because they just don’t see and understand the struggle fully.

— Scott R.

No, but I'm learning.

— Cindy S.

I used to be the kind of person who everyone came to for help. I was terrible at asking for it. My new reality has humbled the s**t out of me. I ask for help now. My neighbor comes by a few times every weekday to walk my dog and help me with anything I might need. My in-laws pick my daughter up from school, take her to practice, etc. My hubby or another family member takes me to doctor appointments and drives by the beach and takes care of me and the house. I try really hard to not let it show how bad I feel about asking. I just cry later when I’m alone.

— Melanie H.

I'll only ask my husband. I've asked my stepdaughter a couple times a few years ago, but she lives a busy life now. She would help but I don't want to ask her. I have a couple friends whom I ask if they can help and that makes me feel so good. That's really all I need is to know they're there for me. But I hate to ask. I can have groceries delivered or curbside pickup. My husband picks up my prescriptions. I don't have any school-aged kids thankfully. If my parents lived nearby, they would help, but they moved away. My in-laws are elderly and need help themselves. But my mother-in-law offers to help and that's sweet.

— Jenny O.

Usually just my husband.

— Patricia T.

If we didn't look normal during a flare it would be easier for others to believe we are not attention seeking.

— Misty H.

Asking isn’t hard. Getting them to help is another story.

— Lisa H.

Complete and total failure. Won’t do that again.

— Sally N.

My circle of friends disappeared when I got sick. I am lucky enough to have an angel for a wife.

— Robb B.

My friends also disappeared after I got sick. Guess that’s normal.